- Agnes
- Feb 17, 2021
- 4 min read
Updated: May 19, 2021
"Michael, Little Boy Black & Blue: Surviving the Effects of a Poisonous Child Abuser," is a coming of age LGBTQIA+ story of one boy's experiences with the adult aftermath of child abuse. His is a survival story of extreme child abuse, torture, violence, and its repercussions on him as an adult. This book is an LGBT child abuse memoir about overcoming unimaginable horrors and coping with complex PTSD. Michael is a gay adult survivor of such extreme child abuse that it resulted in the development of complex PTSD and BDD, after years spent with a repulsive child abuser. In this first memoir you can read about how he coped with the pain and agony while he was experiencing it. Decades of torture and torment that started when he was barely five years old, which continued through his adulthood, and even long after when fresh memories of his nightmarish childhood were unblocked and released - some after forty years. Now living with complex PTSD, Michael writes about the difficulty of feeling helpless while he was abused and of seeing his mother repeatedly tortured and verbally abused by his stepfather. They both suffered from this man's abuse, hunger, and torture at his hands, never knowing when or how it might end. Michael lived to write about it, but his mother did not. He is a survivor, who despite being told that he was worthless on a daily basis, learned to overcome the stigma and the wounds that his stepfather inflicted upon him, to become a successful teacher and to live a full life filled with hope, love and compassion. His story is not an easy one, but he adds his sense of humor throughout the book. He can even laugh at some of his experiences now. He shows us his resilience and his will to live, even during the darkest of days. Michael hopes that his story will inspire others and show that it is possible to thrive even after living through decades of abuse. No childhood is perfect, but if there is a tragic story that can bring hope - this one is it!
Michael has several other books on the horizon, two more of which are nearing completion. If his first published account of his life of abuse goes over well, he intends to follow it up with additional episodes that he did not include in the first book, if there is interest in it. In "Michael, Little Boy Black & Blue," the author barely scratched the surface. But he did not write the book with the intention of publishing it. It was an exercise in therapy and self-help.
When he first had memory flash-backs, he knew that he needed professional help and he was able to seek it out right away. He was assigned to write about his childhood and abuse in an effort to free more blocked and compartmentalized memories, and to desensitize himself to recollections that were extremely uncomfortable. Michael decided to make his memoir of some of these experiences public - for all to see, if interested. He found it far more liberating than keeping it all inside. Michael said, "Writing it on paper is no different than keeping it bottled up inside, if I am still the only one aware of it!" Michael hopes to be able to help others who may be having difficulty coping with memories of childhood abuse. He has shared his love of miniatures and he realizes that building and creating a non-stop world of miniature structures was an escape/coping mechanism for himself. Now, Michael plans to use images of his dozens of structures in his books because they were always part of his life.
He will give you the good and the bad. Readers can share with him too. That is what this blog is for. It is for all of us. What have you been through? What holds you back? We're not experts but we can listen! We can share what we know and we will not judge you. If you feel like opening up, this is your chance. If you need to talk to Michael, will make sure he sees your message. Peace!
"Even at my darkest times, while being horribly abused and neglected, I tried to remain calm and I entertained myself in my head with anything that I could think of to take my mind off of what was happening!"
An excerpt from the book:
By the time I found myself hanging from a rotting wooden beam in an old dusty garage, with ropes tied around my wrists and black electrical tape wrapped around my head to cover my mouth, I had already become numb to near-daily abuse. I was eight when I gazed at the dirty concrete floor below my bare dangling feet, calmly wondering if I would fall or if the monster would swoop in at the last minute to save me. I stopped tasting the salt of my own tears, because I only cried for the first few minutes – this time.
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